Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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