Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
