I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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