i think my tv is drunk
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
