Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize