dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize
