two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
