The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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