holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
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So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
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you are never too drunk for berry picking
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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