yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Randomize
