Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
