im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
