the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
