it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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