dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
