One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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