I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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