Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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