even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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