Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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