I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
there is puke in my bra ... again
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