mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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