At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
