That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
