All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
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Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
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Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
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