Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
