I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
