Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
We left the knife in your bed.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Randomize
