What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
