I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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