would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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