I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I yelled at your uterus for you.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
