sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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