HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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