On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
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strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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