did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
3pm strippers are depressing
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
