I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
