Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
