Already got asked if we're dating
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
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you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
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