I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
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