I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
did i just pee glitter
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
