If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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