i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
