Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
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