Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
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