I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
