is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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