I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
