the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i now understand why vodka
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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