My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Randomize
