So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
