If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
