Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
His nipple licking is glorious
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