More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
i think my mom watched the whole time
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
