he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
