remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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