Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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