They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
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We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
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I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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