Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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