Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
