I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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